Love or Loathe Valentines Day?
What does Valentines Day mean to you? Does it make you feel warm and fuzzy? Duty bound or blatant sour faced and cynical?
So, was Saint Valentines the saint of lurve? Well, not quite. February 14th was first known for honouring Martyrs, such as Saint Valentine, it is believed as far back as 496. Valentine’s day actually first became associated with ‘love’ in the middle ages when the tradition of ‘courtly love’ became, well, traditional. By the 15th century, it had evolved into the day when lovers expressed their love by presenting gifts, amongst other things, to their loved ones. 
Fast forward several centuries and not much has changed apart from the face that Valentines Day has evolved into a multi billion pound industry. Cards, confectionery, flowers, clean and filthy trips away, jewellery, fancy meals, cologne, perfume, gadgets….phew, I could go on for a while but you get my point. Not unlike Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Cat’s Day, Dog’s Day and every other ‘day’ you can think of, Valentine’s day is serious chi ching time for certain industries.
Of course this all sounds somewhat cynical but you can’t help but feel that this ‘day’ thing has been nurtured by global enterprise to give the economies of respective companies a quick commercial shot in the arm whilst applying the pressure to everyday folk who, in a materialistic world, feel obliged to part with their cash for fear of ‘upsetting’ somebody.
The stoical among us would say that such vacuous displays of affection do not define a relationship, and there is some truth to that argument as it’s synonymous with those that argue that any display of affection should be spontaneously felt as it is administered throughout the whole year and not solely when the calendar dictates. And who can argue with that? Would you much rather be showered with gifts on Valentines Day or would you settle for simply being treated with ‘right’ and with respect for the rest of the year.
The smug see today as an opportunity to troupe the colour red or, more specifically, to parade their latest offerings in an almost tribal display of prowess; behold my possessions! And I’m not talking about the gift itself but about the person from whom the gift originated, for this person is a conquest in itself and to exhibit such a conquest is not a practice exclusively reserved for Valentines Day. Then again, is it such a terrible practice? E.g. if that person had been single for a long time and now has found the partner of his or her dreams who treats them like proverbial royalty and makes them feel so special then why shouldn’t they crow about it? Surely they’ve earned the right to after wandering for what felt like centuries, as love destitutes, through a baron landscape of a single’s wilderness. Maybe.
So what about ‘the singles’? How are they fairing on the this day of red parades? Well, some worse than others these select few are subject to their own parade of shame, and it’s that of failure. Men are particularly susceptible to this; indeed to be a straight male and not have girly on your arm arm always prompts a few questions as well as a re-branding to gay, a playboy or sociopath. It couldn’t just be of course that this male simply enjoys being single and living his life as he chooses without the need to ‘check in’ with a significant other for now.
Not unlike Christmas and New Years, Valentines Day has the unique way of making some singles feel rotten about themselves and their lives. The reality is singles are much better off than many who are in a stagnant relationship (some of them ardent red paraders) that died many months if not years before but they simply don’t have the guts and, often, the opportunity to leave. By guts, I mean they’re terrified of wandering the aforementioned wilderness, terrified of being alone, and have settled with the idea that it’s better to be with somebody than with nobody.
Really? 
Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Stuck in something, whatever that may be, than nothing? This is your life, every second you wish away, every moment that you waste on something that gives you nothing is a waste of your time on this earth. Surely you’re worth much more than that, aren’t you? The same is of those who are ‘trapped’ in a property investment or to a relationship for the sake of somebody else , whether that be their partner or indeed their children. If our society has taught us anything, it’s that children live a much healthier life with parents are who relatively content with their existence yet separated than with those that spend the majority of their time together squabbling over the ridiculous.
Whatever your relationship status on this Valentines Day remember one thing; relationships, like the tide, come and go. What remains are the humans who are true to you, be it family, your best friends or indeed your life partner of many years. The humans who, no matter what, stick with you through the good times and the bad, for rich and for poor, in sickness and in health. And no, that phrase doesn’t apply exclusively to husbands and wives but to all of those who prove to be our source of strength even in the most darkest of times. It’s these people who are the true riches of your life, not the material or even the carnal pleasures you’ve amassed along the way.
Love is not one person but it is your life; the air you breath, the colours you see, and that ability to look back at your short existence on this earth and LOVE what you see.
Happy Valentines Day.
Living with the devil; a true story of narcissism
” Those suffering from narcissism will often show signs of excessive (often erotic) interest in themselves. Does this sound like somebody you know or knew?” We’ve all experienced bad relationships, and it doesn’t matter whether these are personal or professional, the net result is the same; emotional turmoil. I’m no exception. A few years ago, a personal six year relationship came to an abrupt and traumatic end. Like many, I didn’t take it well, I found it particularly difficult to understand why …
However, since publishing this article on a Different Angle I’ve seen just how many people out there are regularly searching the web for more information on this subject and just how many (and we’re talking thousands) of you have read my article.
Whilst narcissism features quite a lot in COMING UP FOR AIR, I can reassure all of those people whom this illness affects that I’ll be giving this subject matter more focus.
You can read the original article in full by clicking the image above.
Until then, I’m reposting the article for those who haven’t had the chance to read it yet but I’m also including a link to one of the readers who took the trouble to write to me and who was brave enough to share her particular story with the rest of the world.
If you’re interested in reading Iona’s story, follow this link http://jottify.com/works/away-from-the-hobbit/
Let it snow, let it snow, let it recession…
It’s here!
The snow and me of course… bet I can guess which one you’re most excited about!
There’s just something about the snow isn’t there that brings out the child in us? What’s that all about? For most of us, not trapped in it one way or another, waking up to a blanket of snow has a unique way of making us smile. It’s like a long lost friend; who can only visit every once in a while and can’t stay, or like a cold baptism, cleansing away all the grime of everyday life with its white, virginal goodness. Or is it simply because it reminds of when we were young, carefree and fearless. Whatever your reason, enjoy our new visitor for he won’t be staying long.
So, it’s been a while… have you missed me? 
I apologise for my absence but it’s been a busy two weeks, I don’t think my eyes have left my laptop screen. Ever since buying CGA and becoming Managing Director two weeks ago, life has been a relentless series of meetings and late nights (and by late I mean early mornings). CGA has just launched a new website (what? you haven’t seen it? Check it out here) but I think, thank God, that things may be starting to ease up as far as getting some of the urgent formalities signed off. Now, I can turn my attention to actually running the business, oh and Casa Bella’s Devil’s Dinner party which is in just two weeks! Follow the latest developments on that on our Facebook page here.
Considering the above, I haven’t actually had much time to watch the news but I’m sure I caught a segment telling me that we’re on the brink of another recession. Another one? Really? I didn’t even notice we’d emerged from the one that’s been lingering, like a bad smell, for the past two years. What is it with the news and the perpetual tales of misery anyway? In fact television newscasters must be the only personalities in history that start off a sentence with “good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t!
I guess you can’t really blame them because if it wasn’t a constant stream of misery, the cynics would probably bitch that the news is just gooey diatribe, not so dissimilar to soap operas, or is that Saturday night programming? I forget.
The reality is that no matter what you’re fed by the news, by your family or anybody in your circle of acquaintances, life is ultimately about what you make of it (and yes, I know that sounds like the aforementioned gooey trite stuff but it’s true). We all have ups and downs, good times, bad times, bliss and worry but it’s how we deal with it that counts. Yes, we’re in a recession, so what? It’ll just mean we’ll have to tighten our belts yet another notch, constantly talking about it won’t change a thing… if anything, the perpetual scaremongering is only going to force us further into the abyss as terrified consumers will try to cling onto their reserves of cash for even longer.
Actions speak louder than words. Talk is cheap and all that. We can’t influence the theory, we can only work on the facts which roughly translates to there’s nothing constructive in worrying about something that may not happen, and if it has happened then it’s how we deal with it that really will make the difference.
In the meantime, let’s all just make the most of what we have… like our long lost friend who has finally decided to pay us a visit. Now’s the time to make the most of him before he melts away and is here no longer. 
Have a great Sunday!
Friday 13th; lucky or unlucky?
They say 13 is an unlucky number and Friday an unlucky day, which makes the combination even more deadly! Just ask all of those buxom girls
and skinny boys in the successful 80s Movie franchise…what? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Okay, that’s a whole different blog post about age. Moving on…
FOLKLORE
As with most folklore, it isn’t always easy to determine origin as this often transcends generations. Take a look at just some of the most famous sayings. The number 13 and its mythical powers is no exception although it’s believed to originate way back in that ancient text known as ‘the bible’, specifically, the part featuring Judas, who betrays Jesus. It is believed that Judas was the 13th guest to sit down at the last supper.
DINNER PARTY GUESTS
Even today, a 13th dinner party guest is believed to be unlucky and some have gone as fas as seating a teddy bear at their table to even out the numbers. The 13th guest (which is now sounding more and more like another book title) also played havoc in Norse mythology, where a guest caused the world to be plunged into darkness, and then there’s the most famous ‘Black Friday’ of stock market crash fame. Now, some buildings do not have a 13th floor, some hotels have no 13th room and some airlines no flight 13 (wow, just the sound of that is enough to make one cancel tickets).
LUCKY FOR SOME
On the other hand, the number 13 is lucky is many countries. For example, in Italy, the number 13 is considered to be a lucky number. In fact, it’s somewhat interesting that I started the day yesterday by having a conversation with my Mother about the fact that it was Friday 13th and I expected it to be an unlucky day whilst she, being an Italian, thought it would be a lucky day.
UNLUCKY FRIDAY
So what about Friday? Well, in Britain, it’s the ‘unlucky’ Hangman’s Day, the day upon which most hangings were scheduled to take place.The antithesis to this of course is Good Friday which, as its name suggests is a very lucky day. Indeed, to be born on Good Friday is considered to be very lucky.
LUCKY FOR ME
Whatever your belief, Friday the 13th January 2012 proved to be a very lucky day for me. It started off with me receiving an email from an 
Executive Producer at ITV Studios, who produces a show for Sky Atlantic, very kindly including a sound file of the theme tune to The Devil’s Dinner Party and granting us exclusive permission to use it for Casa Bella’s Devil’s Dinner Party which is due to take place on the 18th February 2012 with yours truly playing that part of the devileseque host (as if). The producer went on to wish us the best of luck and ask for pictures of the evening. (Yes, note to all out guests) 
. Thanks Amanda!
The day then continued with a bit of the usual wrangling and frustrated negotiations about a momentous business deal that I’d been working on for nearly a year. The pressure of which was brought to bear mostly in the past few months where, but for one signature, we were unable to close. Then, at the eleventh hour, yesterday, our deadline to call the whole thing off, the signature was finally faxed 5000 miles across the Atlantic Ocean to the Cambridge office of my accountants! It was then a manic rush to get funds, my butt as well as that of all relevant parties in front of a notary for signatures before close of business.
And thus, after months of discussing, negotiating, planning, fighting off competitors as well as traitors and a healthy dose of paranoia, on Friday 13th January 2012, I finally became the owner, Managing Director and CEO of a successful Cambridge software company! A bit of a departure from my usual ventures but after being involved with the company for over a decade, it seemed logical, and I am absolutely thrilled! CGA has immense potential and some very exciting projects in the pipeline.
GETTING MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK
I’d be lying if I said that the past few months have been easy since they’ve been stalked with insomnia, stress related eating, shingles and a whole medley of other ‘unhealthy’ practices (and no, I don’t mean anything like that. Remember; to the pure all is pure). I became so wrapped up in bringing this deal to a conclusion one way or another that I’ve been nothing short of ‘consumed’ by it but then, I guess, that’s how people get when they’re focussed.
I’d vowed that Friday the 13th would, one way or another, be the culmination of a somewhat ‘hazy’ few month and that I needed to ‘give it up’ and get my health back on track by hating early mornings; because they mean getting my backside out of bed and onto the cross trainer and by comfort eating in front of the TV, which isn’t bad in itself but is somewhat concerning when you actually miss doing it!
I also missed writing very much. This blog has been the only thing that has kept this writer fed on the appetite to put fingers to keyboard but I do miss working on long term writing projects and that’s why now that this deal is done, I can now focus on getting back to one of the things I love the most (in my spare time of course which I know will be limited but that’s okay).
There’s no doubt that 2012 is going to bring a whole new set of challenges but isn’t that the point of life, experiencing new things and ‘growing’? We, not unlike the company I just purchased, after a period of time are in danger of becoming stagnant, formulaic, in our routines, in the way we see the people and the world around us. From time to time, there’s definitely room for a change. We go about our daily lives believing we’re happy with the status quo but are? Aren’t we blessed with a life to ‘live it’? Try new things, take on new challenges and prove to ourselves that we’re actually alive? They say to do one thing each day that scares you, well, one thing a day may be somewhat unpractical but I definitley recommend something at least once a year.
The landscape of my destiny has definitely been changed, especially when compared to a few days ago, it feels different, brighter, new, unknown and downright exciting!
For me, Friday 13th marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life (and by association) the lives of those around me. Whether or not this was lucky, only time will tell but so far, so good!
a Different Angle’s Top 10 favourite posts of 2011. Which one’s yours?
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Here’s the first post for 2012 and it’s going to be dedicated to 2011! So much for not looking back…. 
Well, I just felt compelled to put finger to keyboard when I discovered an email from WordPress in my inbox stating that whilst I was busy celebrating the arrival of 2012, they were busy crunching number and diessecting a Different Angle’s blog statistics for 2011.
And it made for an interesting read!
Apparently:
The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 123,300 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 45 sold-out performances for that many people to see it!
In 2011, there were 91 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 109 posts. There were 288 pictures uploaded.
The busiest day of the year was October 31st. The most popular post that day was Casa Bella Halloween’s Video published! . Which is amazing since a limited amount of people were actually able to attend yet thousands of you actually watched the video online.
The ‘dossier’ then lists the most popular articles of 2011… the top 10 are listed below (in no particular order)…. which one is your favourite?
- Christmas, Loved or Loathed. How does it make you feel?
- My Hands on ALL new Range Rover Evoque but my lips are sealed
- Controversial Manuscript; to get a dusting
- Facebook Friends; isn’t it time for a good culling?
- Surrounded by Negative People? Read on.
- Living With The Devil; a true story of Narcissism
- Tears, Tantrums : Tiaras; Casa Bella’s HOIME Awards
- Stealing Your Identity is Easy; here’s how
- The Death of Marriage
- Smile; these are actual London Underground announcements
S0, did yours make the top 10?
The one I find most interesting is Living with the Devil. It received a staggering amount of reads! Clearly inflated by Google searches on the subject. This is obviously a very important subject to many of you! Of course, I couldn’t be more thrilled as the article is an excerpt from my manuscript, Coming Up For Air, which I’ve vowed to return to this year.
Don’t forget, our most recent posts can all be browsed from the a Different Angle Facebook page. Simply like the page and click on the NEWS tab. And if you’re not already a fan, LIKE US now by using the link to the right.
Thanks very much for reading all of the posts in 2011… I’ll be working hard on making sure that all of the 2012 posts are equally as interesting. And, of course, if you have any favourite subjects you’d like me to write about, simply send an email.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You’re selfish! or are you?
It’s my birthday today!
And it’s the first day in a long time that it’s going to be devoted just to me! 
You’d be forgiven for wondering, ‘aren’t all days devoted to you?’ The answer to that would be no… especially recently, as I’m trying to close on a very important transaction before Christmas…if I do, it will undoubtedly change my life (and by association the people close to me) but in order to achieve this I haven’t worked or thought about much else, including myself, for several months. I’ve had shingles, sleepless nights, tantrums and a whole slew of other emotions, but not much time to stop and actually consider, how the hell am I feeling today? But then how many people do?
As you read this, how often do you actually have the opportunity and feel like you’re able to dedicate all, most or even part of your day to doing things for or even thinking about you? You’re probably thinking, rarely, be it work, family, friends…we’re often thinking about others and not necessarily ourselves, or are we?
Some people are actually thinking about themselves most if not all the time but they just don’t know it… whether that be hijacking a conversation by talking directly about themselves, bemoaning things happening in their lives; disappointing friends, spouse, job, etcetera whilst not drawing breath long enough to consider the things that are happening or are important to others. You may not even see it and, by association, you”re most likely unable to acknowledge it but if you’re exhibiting any of these traits then that makes you a very selfish person indeed.
Does this mean that being selfish is bad and being selfless is good?
Well, it would be easy to jump that the obvious conclusion; being selfless (cheer!) is good… at least it’s perceived that way. There’s even a scientific reason why it’s good but I won’t bore you with that… it’s pretty much the reason why many doting parents will be bathed in a warm glow on Christmas morning as they watch their children unwrap their gifts. The act of doing something for or gifting something to others releases endorphins and makes us ‘feel good’ (most of the time).
On the other hand, being selfish (boo!) is good for us but not necessarily for those around us.
I don’t have much time for people who are more than often only interested in talking about themselves….oddly, these types of or characters appear to be spawning in ever greater numbers. As economic pressures bear down, as we get older, our general way of life becomes somewhat ‘darker’ as do we. What we’d normally turn the other cheek to suddenly becomes a ‘sore’ and, when left untreated, a nasty wound. Many have a problem expressing themselves whilst others have a problem ‘baring all’ too often!
In the absence of a therapist and in the blessing of a close friend or family member, we should all pause for thought… whilst the ones who love and care about us are eager to share in our everyday lives, our good, our bad and our ugly, it is of utmost importance that we reciprocate the sentiment.
So, the next time you find yourself moaning about your ailment, your partner, your colleague, the state of the nation or even the weather… consider the fact that the person who loves you may want to share the lows in your life but they also like to share some of the highs. Now, I know that the depressed among you will instinctively think ‘ there aren’t any highs’ but you’d be amazed by how many things are actually quite good about your life. And, in the unlikely event that you really can’t find anything, then just focus on the good of the ones you love, they’ll be most grateful for it because, guess what, you’re being SELFLESS and this in turn will make YOU feel good.
But the real moral of the story is MODERATION; whilst it may be ‘bad’ to put yourself first at the detriment of others, it’s equally as ‘bad’ to always put yourself last. Each and everyone of us needs to be moderately selfish to ensure that we’re taking adequate care of our state of mind as this will, ultimately, enable us to be selfless with others.
This Christmas and most likely over this winter season (which incidentally starts tomorrow) there’s a good chance that you’ll experience or hear of many acts of selfish/selflessness because this is what being human is all about. Enjoy acts of selflessness bestowed on you and try to reciprocate, you’ll feel good about it! (and no, that’s not necessarily a hint to all my nearest and dearest…. although, now that I mention it…. )
Today, I’m going to be selfish, it’s my Birthday…the one day when I’m truly going to allow it all to be about me because I know that tomorrow everything changes back, again.
Thank you for reading a Different Angle and for showing your support in 2011. I’ve truly felt humbled by your selfless act of dedicating your time to reading my blog posts. For any author, it’s always a blessing to feel ‘read’.
If I don’t post before, HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS!
And don’t forget to “take care of yourselves and each other…”
‘Thought provoking’ blog post about Christmas is most read and shared by YOU!
‘Witty’, ’ Earthy’, ’Real’ and ‘Thought Provoking’.
Just some of the words used to describe yesterday’s article about the highs and lows
of Christmas and the New Year. The post that narrates the build up to Christmas and beyond is the most read and shared article on the a Different Angle Blog with a staggering 1,103 hits and over a hundred shares in its first hour of publication.
Now what can I say to that but THANKS!
I enjoy reading and therefore always try to write articles that are a reflection of everyday life and it appears that this one about the good, the bad and the ugly of the festive season has struck a chord with many of you.
You’ve also been kind enough to message me with comments about the article which you’ve described as ‘witty’, ‘earthy’, ‘real’ and ‘thought provoking’. Thank you so much…I really do like to hear from you and would love it even more if you’d be kind enough to rate the articles on the blog and also leave your comments there for others to see. If you’re worried about leaving your name, simply leave your initials.
Thanks again, it’s your support that inspires me to write bigger and better articles.
And for those who missed yesterday’s post, you can read it here. And by all means, feel free to share the link to it some more. I promise, I don’t mind.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Christmas; loved or loathed….how does it make you feel?
“How Are you?”
How many times has somebody asked you that? And how many times have you stopped to think about your answer and say what’s really on your mind? Most of us don’t, not unless we’re talking to a family member or friend and certainly not whilst in a long line at the checkout or at the beginning of a major business meeting since nobody expects a relative stranger to launch into a monologue about how their back is still giving them gyp and how their partner has run off with the next-door neighbour and taken the family pet. No, our stock response will often be “Fine, thanks” but the reality is often different.
As Brits, we take issue with American’s use of “How ya’ doing?” and “Have a nice day” because these phrases appear artificial, insincere yet, despite this fact, we too are adopting this artificial familiarity. Indeed, “how are you?” is progressively becoming synonymous with “hello”. So with this in mind, let me ask you once again, ‘how are you’?
But before you answer that, take a few seconds; is everything absolutely fine in your life? If, after some soul searching, you are able to answer “yes” then congratulations, you are one of the few in the world living a truly blissful existence. That or you are in denial.
The simple truth is, most of us aren’t okay. There’s often something weighing on our mind, whether it’s money (lack of it), a job (feeling unfulfilled or incompatible with a colleague), our children (their behaviour, their values, their future), a relationship (not working, over), or eternal loss (of somebody you love but whom you know you’ll never see again), we’re always carrying something like a surgically placed emotional backpack.
So what are we doing about this? What are you doing to make it better? Well, often nothing, it’s just life, but for some, approximately 6000 each year in the UK, It’s more than that or, more specifically, more than they can bare and, sadly, they choose what’s known as “the easy way out.” The fallacy is that these tragic events are most commonly ‘triggered’ during the festive season; major events that call for the gathering and rejoicing of one and all which accentuate the feeling of loneliness and loss. However, Whilst the festive season is undoubtedly a depressing time for some and is responsible for an increase in telephone calls to national support groups, it is not the most common time of year for suicide. This is actually in the spring. The reason is unknown but experts believe it’s something to do with the warmer weather that ‘triggers’ something in humans.
So, what’s with all this talk of suicide? Please forgive my temporary flippancy but if, like me, you have a large family, you’ll understand why sometimes this thought is not so alien. Christmas is the time of year when, like it or not, families are thrust together, often more by duty than by choice which means the danger of a flashpoint and subsequent meltdown is high. Furthermore, “Christmas isn’t like it used to be.” At least the flash poll I conducted. Most of those I actually spoke to (4 out of 5) just groaned as if I’d asked them to drop to the ground and give me twenty press-ups. Out of the 20 people who voted online, 9 said that they weren’t looking forward to it as it “isn’t what it used to be”. Most of these were women.
Why are the majority of people not looking forward to the season of goodwill? Well, could it be because Christmas happens at the end of a year and reminds us all of our mortality; one year older? Or is it simply that it’s an unusually stressful time for many. It’s a time where finances tend to be stretched to the limit, whether that be due to gift hunting or simply amassing the stock pile of food which, for some obscure reason, we all feel we have to hoard as if a nuclear winter were around the corner. This is somewhat ironic given our age of 24 hour shopping where one’s often stretched to find somewhere closed on Christmas day than open. Yet, most (and yes, especially the women) are going to fret over whether or not there’s enough food to go round as well as worry about family politics, hence the crucial pre event briefing. Not unlike major security details, key family members are ‘briefed’ (often by mothers) to avoid certain topics, “Don’t mention anything about cousin Jack’s run in with the police or Emily’s split from her boyfriend because she still gets upset about it, yes It’s been a year, yes she’d only known him one night whilst on holiday but just don’t mention anything!” This sense of diplomacy, dormant for the rest of the year, makes an impressive emergence at family gatherings, one to rival even the most hardened of politicians, as major negotiations are held to circumnavigate the ubiquitous row about where to spend Christmas and Boxing Day. This prompts an in depth analysis, worthy of any pie chart, about which day, hour, minute was spent where last year. And thus, hours and a few arguments later, deals are struck, plans are made and grudges set aside (albeit temporarily).
So the big day arrives, ‘the event’ where children can’t sleep for the excitement and adults can’t sleep because they left the turkey in the slow cooker over night. Family members are bullied into lending a hand, table places are set, decorations are checked for symmetrical alignment, toilets are sterilised, rooms and spouses are tidied, and furniture is given the once over, all minutes before the doorbell chimes. Months of shopping, scrimping, saving, and hours of decorating, cleaning, peeling, whisking, all for this moment. So, if you successfully manage to get everybody to the table, the meal commences with traditional gluttony during which you thank God that you made it this far without any major disasters. Now, the only challenge remaining is the warzone that is the kitchen as well as where to put the stockpile of food that you didn’t use but is enough to feed a whole third world village. And it’s as lazier relatives slouch in front of the TV to critique the Queen’s speech or sleep off the gorging ritual that it hits you; what on earth was all the rushing, plotting, planning, stressing and yelling about? It’s one day of the year yet it rivals the most sophisticated of wedding ceremonies and, as such, had you on the verge of tears more times that you’d care to admit. And it all starts off in September with a barrage of advertising that, like a pressure cooker, gradually builds up out of all proportions and expectations as you strive to make it the most memorable event ever. In reality, it’s just another day, only with more people to cook and wait on, featuring the obligatory poor man’s version of pomp, ceremony and traditions. But now, like the calm after the storm, it all seems a bit of an anticlimax, one of those really sexy dreams where everything is going well until the object of your desire turns out to be somebody you know, don’t particularly like, and now won’t look at the same way ever again. Many forget that this special day is actually the celebration of somebody’s birthday yet, in many households, this is a minor technicality lost in the master plan but is ultimately the equivalent of throwing a birthday party without the birthday boy.
So what about New Years? Well, unlike Christmas (the end of the year) it marks the beginning of a new chapter in our lives, a blank canvas, and the chance to consign all the ills of yesteryear to the past and start anew. Like clearing an old debt, we’re energised, full of resolutions, ready to take our future by the horns, kick the habit (whatever that may be), start the diet and or hit the gym with the view to being slimmer and sexier by the summer. Right? Well, kind of, that is until we reach the middle of January, the 24th to be precise. What? you don’t know about the 24th? It’s been officially labelled as the most depressing day of the year. Yes, all according to a scientific verifiable formula consisting of weather, credit card debt, time elapsed since the Christmas ‘festivities’, failed resolutions, motivational bankruptcy, and a desperate need to have something to look forward to besides the spring bank holiday (hence why holiday adverts run days after Boxing Day). Furthermore, nights are short as well as tempers; insurance companies blame ‘winters driver’s disorder’ for an increase in road accidents in January. Employers are also encouraged to be ‘nicer’ to their staff in January by offering free hot drinks and throwing mini office parties.
Wow, all that and a recession that’s still lingering like a bad smell! We’re doomed! There appear to be many reasons why both the beginning and the end of the year makes us downright gloomy. Many reasons why the next time somebody asks “how are you?” we’ll assail them with an emotional outpour.
But hold on, what about the middle of the year? We haven’t talked about that. That’s because we don’t need to. The reality is that our experiences aren’t the results of some sadistic game played by mythical gods, it’s simply life. Like shares; we’re sometimes up and sometimes down. It’s how we deal with our ups and downs that makes the difference. For most of us, the nostalgic ‘Norman Rockwell’ warm and fuzzy image of coming home for the holidays is just that; an artistic impression. Life isn’t always easy, of course it isn’t, if it were we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the things that really matter the most. Family, friends, life partners often equal unreserved love. This isn’t something that you’ll find in a Christmas cracker but it’s a precious gem to be appreciated and admired maybe not all the time but at least on special occasions. Our life, like some parents, may not be perfect but it’s the only one we have, and the trick is to make most of it because you never know what tomorrow may bring.
Casa Bella announces murderous dinner party experience
It’s Friday!
The end of another week and one step closer to Christmas! Love it or loath it, the season to be jolly is just around the corner.
You may have noticed that I’ve been fairly quiet over the past week, that’s because I’ve been busy wrestling with a lovely bout of shingles! That’s right, I was lucky enough to discover the red rash last week, and have been enjoying what feels like the equivalent of somebody branding me with cigarettes ever since.
Luckily, things seem to be get
ting back to normal now which means I’m able to focus on other much more exciting things like Casa Bella’s next event!
Now, I know that my previous posts talked about a potential charity event. Well, we (my sister and I) have been thinking about this and have come up with an aswesome and somewhat unique theme, especially for this area. However, the jury is still out about what time of year it should be hosted.
Sadly, the collaboration I’d previously announced on this blog hasn’t quite worked out either, which means we’re no longer on a deadline. The net result; we’re still thinking of staging a charity event but it won’t be the next one.
Casa Bella’s Halloween was a great success, and it has inspired a dinner party experience that we believe is way overdue and much more in keeping with the dark month of February.
That’s right, Casa Bella’s next event will take place on the anniversary of this year’s Masquerade… yes, well we couldn’t let those Venetians have all the fun. We like to think that whilst they’re busy partying it up in beautiful Venice, we’re busy generating our own tantalising intrigue with a sumptuous menu featuring an array of beverages, along with a good slice of….dmm…dmmm dmm (that’s supposed to be dramatic music) murder!
That’s right…. Casa Bella’s next event will be a Murder Mystery currently pencilled for Saturday 25th February 2012 and will follow in the hugely atmospheric footsteps of Casa Bella’s Halloween (if you weren’t lucky enough to attend, read about it here)
Exclusive invites to Casa Bella’s Murder Mystery will be emailed to lucky in boxes over the weekend. If you aren’t lucky enough to receive an invite but would like to find out what all the Casa Bella fuss is about, we may have a treat for you. To be considered for an exclusive invite, visit Casa Bella’s Facebook page and LIKE it to become a fan. You’ll then be added to our waiting/standby list which means that if a space becomes available, you could be joining us for a dinner party experience like no other.
Just beware, ‘everybody has a motive and everyone has a plan’.
Casa Bella Halloween’s Video published!
Naturally, only a few of you could attend Casa Bella’s Halloween but that doesn’t mean that many of you can’t see excerpts from the video, featuring some of the actual sound effects and music from the evening.
Also, check out the spooky image! Whilst editing the video, I noticed the shadow standing behind me! What’s up with that?
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Books for Casa Bella Halloween’s BEST GHOST STORY winner
Guests of Casa Bella’s Halloween were asked to bring with them a ghost story.
Out of all of the stories told on the evening of the 29th October 2011, Selina Daley’s ’Baby Monitor’ managed to elicit the most goosebumps! Selina wins a £20 of Amazon voucher which she plans to spend on books for her studies.
In the meantime, you can read Selina’s story below. Happy Halloween!
This very story that you are about to read is very true and is up to the reader whether they shall believe.
On a very normal evening three women were watching very normal TV, myself, my sister and my mother. My elder sister was staying with us at the time with her two year old daughter, who was fast asleep upstairs in her cot. We sat with the baby monitor on until the room went very chilly and cold so suddenly. I felt uncomfortable and so made my leave to my room. My sister switched off the monitor and she too, quickly followed by mother went up to bed.
Laying in bed I suddenly heard the shrill cry of a new born baby on the monitor. My head quickly tried to rationalise this noise… It’s my niece; it’s the television I said. But none of those accounted for the clear sound of crying coming from down stairs. I was rooted to my bed, my fingertips ached with coldness and though I knew I needed to investigate I could not move. Then suddenly my sister burst into my room, she too could hear the cries. So we stood on the landing the three of us, listening to the ever urgent cries. My mother point blank refused to come with us, so my sister leads the way downstairs. Halfway down I suddenly heard the soft voice of a woman on the monitor. ‘Ssh baby, don’t cry, it’s all ok mummy’s here’ my heart quickened as I realised it was the voice of my sister; I went ice cold all over. As we got to the living room everything went silent. The monitor was switched off. My sister turned to me aghast, ‘oh god I swear I heard my own self’. We never spoke of it again.
It was two years later that I realised the significance of that night when I was sat downstairs on a very normal night. My sister had unexpectedly fallen pregnant again. Upstairs was her four year old and the newborn whom I heard cry on the baby monitor, my sister went upstairs and then I heard her softly saying ‘ssh baby, don’t cry, it’s all ok mummy’s here’. SELINA DALEY
Casa Bella’s Halloween is a monster success!
It’s the day after the night before… and what a night!
After more than 3 months of planning, Casa Bella’s Halloween took place last night, and I have to say that when I set about designing the concept, I
couldn’t have wished for such a successful conclusion to the evening. Success being judged by the reaction of our guests and the simultaneous execution of multiple tasks which included lighting over 30 different types of candles, switching on over twenty battery candles, activating 40 electric lights, and drowning a whole coffin in a tidal wave of dry ice, to name a few!
I guess the reason why I was able to pull all of this together was because of the Casa Bella team, which included my sister, Francesca, my niece, Anna, and my best friend, Tom. They all rallied around when I needed them most and we managed to (I believe) pull off the best ‘wow’ factor of any Casa Bella event yet. Luckily, much of the imagery of the evening, including the reactions of our guests has been caught for posterity and published to the Casa Bella Facebook website (address below).
What couldn’t be caught in stills or in moving pixels (yes, video cameras rolled) was the atmosphere brought by the fortuitous gale that howled around Casa Bella shaking the collection of pumpkin lanterns hanging outside of the haunted mansion and over the cursed grave, all viewable from the thrones of our guests that encircled a life size coffin that bubbled like a cauldron and spewed mist, nor the specially mixed score that ran throughout the evening, featuring a through-the-door moaning gale, an eerie music box, a few ghosts, thunder, rain and the odd slamming door (again, to name a few). This was the ideal soundtrack to the collection of ghosts stories penned by each guest specially for the event with the hope of winning the title and prize of BEST STORY. This award was eventually snatched up by Selina Daley from an equally impressive collection of creepy, gruesome and sometimes witty accounts. Selina’s real life account of premonition will be published to this blog as soon as it is made available by its author. Selina also wins a £20 Amazon voucher which will be winging its way to her over the next few days.
Of course, Halloween wouldn’t be the same without its costumes and, in true Casa Bella style, we were also handing out an award for
Best Costume. It seemed to me that all of our guests were very keen on getting their hands on our skeleton trophy, judging by the quality of some of the costumes and make up. I was really blown away by some of the characters. We had vampires, demons, zombies and even one of the most terrifying depictions of a reaper that I have ever seen! However, it appears that the most impressive of all was….. well, mine! Yes, I was lucky enough to be voted BEST COSTUME WINNER for my depiction of Nosfertu. What do you think? Needless to say, I was somewhat choked when I counted out the votes. In all honesty, I really was not expecting the win! And yes, before you ask, I kept all of the so called ballot papers just in case of query. So, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the hideous jury for their most generous votes. It’s very much appreciated! Clearly, it was the smile that did it.
So, now, nearly 24 hours later, the Casa Bella entertainment’s room has been restored to its former glory; the wallpapers gone, the hideous portraits of mutant ancestors, the coffin that struck fear into the superstitious heart of my beloved sister has been folded and neatly packed away, and with it, chunks of plaster from the dining room ceiling! Yes, my dysfunctional relationship with Mr Sellotape ended acrimoniously when I decided to rip him down and throw him out. Which is rather ironic considering I had to ‘refresh’ the sellotape on those walls no less than 6 times as the paper kept falling down! Oh well, he’s been evicted now and I’ll have to call my trusty chum to ‘touch’ up those walls with some paint, ready for the next event.
Yes, presently, there are plans (not yet formalised) for another Casa Bella ‘experience’ in the New Year. For those of you that may not have caught my previous post. Read all about it here. The announcement of this event received unprecedented interest. Read about it here. I’ve already held initial talks with Andrew R Hubbard about a potential Casa Bella Charity event in aid of Alzheimer’s Research UK.
Which means that if you’ve been intrigued with Casa Bella and our dinner party experiences and have wanted to attend then you may well get your wish. Our dinner parties have been strictly by invitation only (for family and friends). However, in order to raise funds for Andrew’s charity, we’re considering throwing open our doors and selling tickets to our next event. So, if you’ve always fancied a unique dinner party experience and like the idea of supporting a worthwhile cause then visit Casa Bella’s Facebook page and LIKE it. We’ll be announcing further details about the next event on this blog and on Casa Bella’s Facebook page where you’ll also be able to see more pictures of last night’s spooktacular event. Visit and LIKE the Facebook page now. Tickets for the next event will be limited (we already have reserved bookings) so if you want to be in with a chance to get a seat, you’ll have to act fast!
Who knows, I could be writing and thousands could be reading about YOU in a few months time!
Until then, “take good care of yourselves, and each other”.
Casa Bella’s Halloween; the nightmare before Christmas
So, it’s the day before Casa Bella’s Halloween but it feels oddly like the night before Christmas! Although, I guess a more apt depiction would be,
the day before the show; finally, after more than 3 months in the making (or rehearsal), Casa Bella’s Halloween is here, and what an event it will be.
Who would have thought that when we started these dinner parties nearly a year ago, they’d turn into these mammoth productions, of concept, design, rehearsal and performance. They’ve moved beyond ‘dinner with friends’ and are more like ‘dinner and a show’, which each, apparently, outdoing the other. But I guess that’s all part of the process, our guests often say, “I can’t see how you’re going to top this next time”, and my response (albeit subconsciously), as a bead of sweat forms on my brow is, “nor can I”.
I know that the motivation is most likely in this detail; for a non professional actor, the reward of 3 months rehearsal is to tread the boards, albeit for a few nights, for us (my sister and I), it’s to see the look on the faces of our guests, the moment they walk into the entertainment room and, not unlike children on Christmas morning, be affected by the conception and construction that came before them.
I know it all sounds a bit ‘grand’ and perhaps not everybody’s cup of tea but it certainly is mine. Somebody said to me the other day, “when you get involved in something, you go all out, don’t you?” I believed the statement was a compliment but I nonetheless couldn’t help but wonder if it was some kind of an insult; as if he was saying “cor, you really do make a fuss, don’t you?” If that was the case then the answer would have been “Yes, I don’t just ‘do’ dinner.” I guess that’s always been me though, every creative project I’m involved in has to have an edge, after all, how else is one going to leave an impression? Now, I know (or truly believe) this person was actually paying me a compliment and that I was merely being paranoid but it got me thinking about who I am and why I need to embrace regular challenges in life, I guess it’s because I believe that if I don’t then I’m dead, albeit in spirit.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot to be said for ‘having a few friends round for dinner’, no thrills, just good food, company and conversation but, personally, I’d get bored with this after a while because, not unlike a relationship, it’d become mediocre; neither of us (host or guest) challenged out of our everyday comfort zones and encouraged to do something out of the norm, whether that be putting on a tuxedo or writing a ghost story and reading it out to a relatively intimate gathering of people only to then have it published to thousands. (Yes, this is what our guests have signed up to). Sounds scary but it’s all part of the process. A lot of effort goes into these events but our guests (well, most of them at least) don’t hold back either because they too believe in this mutually beneficial trade as it reminds us of the present actuality; we’re alive and capable of things long ago consigned to the hedonism of youth. A good example of this is February’s Casa Bella Masquerade, when we asked each of our guests to bring a talent to be performed for their fellow guests. The invite struck fear in most but the result was an evening of eclectic and untapped talent that many of our guests didn’t even think they possessed and it’s beautiful how, even now, they describe the exhilaration of the event.
So, Casa Bella’s Halloween may have endured it’s own challenges; drop out guests, collapsing props, the destruction of treasured ornaments, spooky goings on, oh and sleepless nights, all for one evening but will it all be worth it…..? Check out Sunday’s a Different Angle blog post for the story and, of course, the pictures!
Casa Bella’s Charity event announcement tops 1000 hits in first hour!
Wow, read all about it! Read all about it!
Within its first hour of publication, a staggering 1,006 of you read this morning’s Sunday blog post about Casa Bella’s charity event due to take place in 2012! That’s a approximately 16 hits a minute!
Thanks! Read what all the fuss is about by clicking here and please feel free to share the story with your family and friends and be sure to tune in for details on how to get tickets to Casa Bella’s exclusive event due to take place in early 2012.
And how appropriate that this is also my 100th blog post!
Thanks… keep reading!
Casa Bella to open its doors to public!
It’s the week leading up to Casa Bella’s Halloween and, in my usual inimitable way, I’m stressing that not all of my ducks are standing to attention, indeed some of the ducks haven’t even been hatched yet, and, a week today, we’re supposed to be in the throws of terrorising guests, or being terrorised! So, there’s much to do, including unfinished costumes for disorganised friends! Next week is going to be a very busy indeed with last minute shopping and make up, lots of make up! Yeah, well I had to satisfy that secret fetish some way, don’t I?
There have been some spooky goings on at Casa Bella this week with collapsing props, the shattering of one of my favourite (and expensive) candelabras and things mysteriously movingaround the room. We’re certainly getting into the ‘spirit’ of things! It’s all part of the process I guess, that or we actually have an uninvited guest!
On the upside, today three people (who will not be attending the event next week), had a special privileged preview of the refurbishments, they appeared quite impressed, and that was during the light of day… so my fingers are well and truly crossed that my vision will be realised at night. Be sure to stop by next Sunday for pictures!
So who were these people blessed with rare and exclusive access to Casa Bella pre event? Well, one of them was my cherished electrician who was kind enough to give up his Saturday morning to carry out some last minute light installations in our events room, and the other couple? Well, they say that people ‘crash’ into our lives for a reason. I’m a strong believer of this and that’s why, despite the somewhat hectic schedule, I cleared my afternoon, to make a new friend, well, two new friends; two complete strangers walked into my home and into my life, and I’m delighted to report that it was a charming experience.
Okay, so they didn’t come in off the street, I’d actually been corresponding with one of them for quite some time now. He is a journalist (even if I can’t help but think that he doesn’t truly believe that himself, at least , not yet) and she is, wait for it, a Midwife! That’s right, a midwife. And you would be forgiven for picturing an ‘old bird’, sporting a somewhat matronly demeanour and perhaps a few badly worn years, the reality is quite the opposite; a girl barely in her twenties who wouldn’t be too out of place on the cover of Maxim. Indeed, this engaging and unassuming duo, destined for marriage next year, make for a very handsome couple indeed.
So what is about this couple that had me compelled to meet with them in the midst of falling fabrics, misbehaving sellotape and disappearing lanterns? Well, Andrew R Hubbard has long been a contributor on Facebook’s St Neots page, and whilst we’ve corresponded by email, we’d never actually met, until today.
The reason for our meeting is Andrew’s pledge to run the Virgin London Marathon in April 2012. Andrew’s a ‘sporty’ guy but the motivation behind this latest initiative wasn’t just to work up a sweat but to work up some money for Alzheimer’s Resarch UK ( http://www.alzheimersresearchuk.org). Andrew has first-hand experience of the harrowing effects of this disease through his namesake, Roy, his Grandfather; a man full of life (and jokes) whom Andrew witnessed become an alien of his former self. ”The money I work hard to raise can’t help Granddad but it can stop people who have his condition suffering and help the families of those with dementia too.”
And it was Andrew’s enthusiasm for this cause that drove me to want to meet the twenty-something year old to see how I could help.
Now, anybody who knows me knows that I’m not ‘into’ charities. Yes, I said that out loud. I’m a true believer of that old addage that ‘charity starts at home’ and by that I’m also including friends who are often ‘in need’ in one way or another. These ’causes’ mean the most to me, right now….or so I thought.
It would be fair to say that, over the past year, we’ve created somewhat of brand name for Casa Bella’s themed dinner party experiences, this is evidenced by the fact that we generally have to work to a waiting list. So why not use one of Casa Bella’s events to help raise funds for Andrew’s charity? This was the topic of our meeting after which we naturally concluded that it would indeed be an active way of making a contribution through something that we now have quite a bit of experience with.
Traditionally, Casa Bella events have only been open to close friends and strictly by invitation only so if you’ve read about our dinner party experiences and wanted to attend now’s your chance. That’s right, we’re throwing open Casa Bella’s doors and will be selling seats to our next exclusive dinner party experience in 2012. All net proceeds will go to Andrew’s charity and towards smashing his £2,000 target.
More details about Casa Bella’s dinner party experience to rival all others will be published here in due course. In the meantime, you can still contribute to Alzheimer’s Research UK’s crucial research by donating on Andrew’s fund raising page by clicking here. Remember, every little really does help, yes even £1! And, if like me, you’re not into the whole ‘charity thing’ then be sure to check out future posts for details of how to snap up a place at our next event for a dinner party experience like no other.
Our next meeting about this will take place in a few weeks time. Until then, Casa Bella’s Halloween will be the only thing on my mind for the next 6 days, besides sleeping of course because, in the now immortal words of Faithless, “I can’t get no sleep”. I wonder why!
Afraid? You will be… Halloween, Hell Houses, Magic & Religion.
“Our fascination with fear is a curious one, we’re addicted to the exhilaration of fear but only if we know we’re safe. From rollercoasters through to haunted houses, some of us subject ourselves to extreme situations for a quick thrill but some terror is all too real…”
And so autumn is upon us once more, and with the wind that rustles the leaves comes the season of Celtic (Halloween) and catholic celebrations (Al Saints Day), and let’s not forget the big roaring fires of bonfire night sparked from the ancient tradition of burning animal bones (bon fire) to ward off evil spirits. These days most of us settle for the burning of wood and other materials that we’d have a hard time convincing our fascist ‘refuse technicians’ to collect, but the symbology remains the same.
So, how much exactly do we know about these old traditions?
Well, Halloween owes its name to ALL HALLOWS EVE which precedes ALL SAINTS DAY (1st November), a naturally Christian celebration yet the practices of Halloween are Pagan in their origin. This paradoxical merger came to be many years later since the church denounced Pagans as satanic worshipers; “when you come into the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not learn to follow the abominations of those nations.” No, Halloween has its roots deeply entrenched in the Celts of pre-medieval Europe who divided each year into two halves; the light and the dark half. Samhain (summer end) marked the end of summer and thus the harvest season. The ancient Celts believed that the 31st of October was the day when the veil, dividing the dead and the living, dissolved ‘bringing home’ evil spirits who could only be placated with bribes of food in exchange for immunity from a terrible curse (trick or treat). Some Celts would attempt to scare off the evil spirits by lighting hilltop fires that included the bones of animals (in a sacrificial gesture), placing skulls carved out of vegetables (jack-o-lantern) in strategic places and donning costumes in an attempt to emulate the spirits and go ‘unnoticed’.
Even in modern times, satanic worshipers believe that Halloween is the night when the Prince of Darkness himself returns to earth in order to collect and convert the souls of man. These are just some of the reasons why the church found pagan practices abhorrent and sought a global mass conversion to Christianity. It is believed this took place in the 7th century when the Pantheon of Rome was wrested from the ‘barbarians’ by the church and renamed the Church of The Blessed Virgin and all Martyrs thus going from worshiping All Gods (the Greek word for Pan-theon) to All Saints. It then moved the day that honoured all hallowed saints from the 13th May to the 1st of November to coincide with Samhain; All Hallows Eve (31st October). The church adopted some of the pagan practices in its quest to convert the ‘barbarians’ to Catholicism. Even ‘trick or treating’ became tolerated by the church; costumed children would knock on doors offering to fast for departed souls in exchange for money or an offering.
There was however one pagan practice that was not dissolved in the world’s conversion to Christianity; witchcraft. A witch (from the Anglo-Saxon word Wicca) was somebody who worshipped the deities of nature and collected living talismans and symbols through which they obtained dark powers. Legend has it that the broomstick (a representation of the male organ) was the vehicle upon which the witches flew great distances, in reality, they often dabbled with all sorts of drugs and potions which means those ‘trips’ could have been construed as flight.
The Celts and the Egyptians also believed that the symbolic black cat possessed magical powers. Legend has it that the goddess of Wicca, Diana, turned into a black cat to commit incest with her brother. In all, witchcraft was seen as the worshipping of the devil as opposed to God and thus witches were persecuted for centuries. “Thou shall not suffer a witch to live” (Ex 22:18). Not unlike fox hunting on Boxing Day, witch hunting became a national pastime during the witching season.
Naturally, books and films have sought to capitalise on the mystical elements of witchcraft but none more so than Harry Potter which for millions is seen as a piece of fictional fun but for some is a sinister rebranding of darker themes, such as demonic possession and Satanism. This is born out of passages from the book that refer to the evil character Voldermort who ‘possesses’ the soul of a young girl. In reality, Satanic worshipping sparked mass moral panic in eighties America (and then the rest of the world) where it was believed that the vast proliferation of satanic cults were leading to an increase of prostitution, drug abuse, murder, sexual abuse, pornography, as well as a vast array of disturbing acts (such as necrophilia and cannibalism). The torture of young children was also considered necessary in order to program them to observe a life of devil worship. This led to governments around the world stepping up their policies regarding child abuse investigations which in turn forced cults to revise their strategy and recruit people of standing, such as police officers and politicians.
Today, orange, black and red (the devil’s colours) come together primarily once a year, in the form of a carved pumpkin, on a day when children are given the opportunity to ‘dress up’ and terrorise the neighbourhood whilst most adults flirt with the concept of fear by watching scary movies and visiting old relics in the dead of night in the hope of scaring themselves silly.
Our fascination with fear is a curious one, we’re addicted to the exhilaration of fear but only if we know we’re safe. From rollercoasters through to haunted houses, we’ll do whatever it takes for a quick fix of adrenaline. I should know because I’m one of those junkies as evidenced by my one and only trip to the entertainment capitol of the north, otherwise known as Blackpool. It was a week day and, unsurprisingly, not a very sunny day which meant that the ‘pleasure beach’ was relatively empty. Of all the attractions, we kept on passing one which had a cavernous looking hole for a door outside of which was a wall mounted monitor projecting grainy night vision images of a group of people running and screaming from an unknown entity. For those not familiar with this type of ‘attraction’, it works on the basic premise of charging guests an entry fee to be guided down steps and into some artificial catacomb where the slogan alone is enough to strike the fear of God in most; “don’t touch them and they won’t touch you”!
Oddly enough, like a child drawn to the ubiquitous yet fairly innocuous ghost train, it was this very phrase that caught our attention and, after procrastinating for a few more minutes, we finally decided to brave it. Lucky for me (or not), the attraction wasn’t particularly busy which meant that instead of a group of people, it was just me and my friend, alone in the dark, able to see only but a few feet in front of us, deep in the belly of an ‘attraction’ whose sole purpose was to scare the be geezers out of us. Well, it worked! There were only so many times I could be startled by nerve wrenching screeches, accosted by blood oozing zombies and rattled by chainsaw-wielding psychopaths with disfigured faces before I wanted out of that place. Although, in hindsight, I have to wonder which part I hated the most, running from rooms kitted out with special effects and actors dripping (literally) in makeup or running screaming like a schoolgirl out of the exit doors (at the end of the experience) and into a strategically placed themed diner where patrons sipped drinks whilst enjoying the look of utter terror on the faces of those exiting the attraction.
It may not come as much of a surprise to you that some devout Catholics in North America are adopting the very same tactics to scare sinners out
of sinning. ‘Hell Houses’ are normal looking buildings but with a twist; each of the rooms is kitted out to feature a sin; such as abortion, homosexuality, alcoholism, drug abuse, pre marital sex, abortion and, more controversially, a scene from the Columbine High School massacre (in the wrongful belief that Christians were being targeted for murder). The ‘exhibits’ tend to be ‘staged’ in October (to capitalise on the witching season) and, not unlike my experience, would-be sinners are treated to a collection of gruesome and horrifying scenes depicting sin and its consequences. Those who accept Christ will be saved and those who don’t will be damned to hell. What’s that all about? I chose to go down into the catacombs because the perverse side of me wanted a quick and temporary ‘thrill’. Those who ‘choose’ the path of ‘righteousness’ do so because they have a belief, it should not be necessary to administer such shock therapy to keep them on the straight and narrow. Then again, the other controversy surrounding hell houses is that they aren’t necessarily designed for ‘believers’ but more for ‘non believers’ who are deceived into thinking that the ‘attraction’ is a ‘traditional’ ghost house rather than an evangelical journey. This practice has also drawn criticism from some who believe the process of teaching by instilling fear into children is nothing short of child abuse. This is all somewhat ironic since, on the one hand, we have people brain washed into finding religion whilst, on the other, there are some who just wanted opportunity to freely practice it.
This is so of Robert Catesby who, along with thousands of other Catholics, simply wanted the right to practice his religion. Eh? What do you mean you’ve never heard of Mr Catesby? He was the man behind one of the most infamous and subversive government plots of all time. The foiling of this plot is still celebrated today, on the 5th November.
It took Catesby and Guy Fawkes a year to hatch the plan to blow up parliament and kill the king but a tip off, in the form of a letter, meant that their dastardly plan was foiled. Catesby died in a shoot out in Staffordshire whilst Fawkes was hung (by his neck), drawn (had his innards pulled out) and quartered (cut into four pieces), all before a public audience. And whilst he was not burned on a bonfire, his guts were as his head was speared onto a parliament house spike. That was the price of treason. Thereon, Londoners lit fires in the street to celebrate the fact that the king was saved.
Today, more than 400 years later, we celebrate bonfire night in pretty much the same way. Well, at least all without the hung, drawn and quartered bit. We’d much rather burn effigies instead. Remember, remember the 5th November; the day when we tortured and executed one man and his accomplices, ultimately, because they were deprived the right to practice their religion as they saw fit.
Can you imagine that happening in England today?
Dark skies are upon us as preparations commence
So, it looks like I’m not the only one who’s running around trying to fit the last pieces of the puzzle (otherwise known as concept) into place. Casa Bella’s Halloween is just 20 days away, and the 31st October just a couple of days after that. The clocks will be changing soon which means the ‘dark side’ of the year is truly upon us. 
Some will be forgiven for thinking that I may be starting preparations a bit early but, when it comes to me, I’m the equivelent of your average supermarket with Christmas merchandise; start preparing months in advance. Although in my case, as my sister can vouch, I’m known for changing my mind days if not on the day before the event! And I can’t afford to be in that situation this time otherwise the whole ambience will be affected. I’m sorry I can’t say more about it now for there’s a danger that our eagle eyed guests will ‘guess’ what we have in store for them. ;-)
I spent most of the day yesterday, shopping for ‘last minute’ things and, as always, I’m already way over the self imposed budget! Well, there’s just so much ‘stuff’ out there. What’s a man to do? I’m sure our distinguished guests will appreciate it. I’ve further discovered that I’m soon to be reacquainted with my old friend Mr Sellotape. I thought he wouldn’t be invited to this gathering but it appears he’s going to be featuring heavily, at least behind the scenes. And we all know how that ended up at the HOIME Awards in June!
Today is food day. No, by that I don’t mean usual Sunday lunch, I mean bake and taste sessions. That’s right, we’re forgoing our traditional Sunday luncheon to instead sample from Casa Bella’s Halloween menu. Well, one has to ensure it’s appropriate after all. ;-)
My costume arrived this week… well, the first one did and I looked like a female extra from Star Trek. Needless to say, it was rapidly discarded in favour of something much more sophisticated, and I’m thrilled! Let’s just hope I can master the art of makeup application, extreme makeover style! (enough said on that).
Anyway, for me, not unlike many other souls out there, life is busy. In particular, the last few months of 2011 are to prove the most trying, as there is much happening that I’m actually bound by law from discussing. Needless to say that days and evenings are packed and when they aren’t, sleep is a welcome reaper.
This all means that my posts may not be as frequent as I like but things will change in the new year where I’m determined to return to writing which means that blog updates will also become more frequent.
Until then, don’t miss next week’s post about the true origins of Halloween.
‘There’s someone in my house’; Halloween’s sinister side
It’s October, and it’ll soon be Halloween, the witching season.
For some parents, it’s the only time of year when they get to exhibit their creative flair for costume design whilst encouraging their children to go out, join a gang and terrorize the neighbourhood. For most, Halloween is about ’ghoulish’ fun and the opportunity to greedily share in the bounty extorted by phantoms and demons. But All Hallow’s Eve does have a more sinister side.
Well, what would do you expect from a festival that celebrates the ‘Lord of darkness’? Some parents won’t allow their children to go trick or treating unless they can go with them. Some say it’s because they’re trying to recapture their youth, others say that its in response to a series of horrific cases where children were actually hurt by some of the sweets they collected; razor blade chocolates and insect killer laced sweets were just some of the cases reported to police. What’s worse is that the investigation into such cases often proves difficult due to the fact that children mix and share their sweets making it difficult to establish their origin, and it this technicality which makes the practice even more alluring to would be criminals and terrifying to parents.
But it’s not just spirits that come out on the 31st October, pranksters have their own devilish fun with unpopular neighbours. One reported case involved some boys who took it upon themselves to exact revenge on a busy body neighbour. The 49 year old spinster, who’d often highlight the boys’ misdemeanours to their parents, lived alone. One year, the pranksters decided to impersonate, the woman’s peculiar voice and call the police, stating that there was someone in her house. Units were dispatched once, twice, but they took their time on the third occasion only to find the woman barely alive upon arrival; she had actually been robbed, stabbed and left for dead. Now that’s irony for you. Justice was served though; the pranksters and the drug fuelled robber were apprehended.
In some parts of the United States, they decorate streets with the same zeal on Halloween as they do at Christmas, so it was understandable that 24 hours had passed before residents realised that what looked like an amazingly realistic dummy hanging from a lamp post was actually a real corpse, that of a woman who committed suicide because her husband had left her.
But consider this, next time you smell something ‘funny’ in your hotel room, you may want to report it to management immediately. This advice would have been helpful to a newly wed couple who, after a zombie themed wedding, excitedly checked into a hotel room in Las Vegas where both noticed an unpleasant smell but neither was willing to report it, such was their rapture. It was only the following morning, motivated by the chance of a discount, that they informed hotel staff who, after a thorough search of the room, concluded there was only one place they hadn’t looked; inside the mattress. That’s when they found the dead body of a young girl who had been stuffed into the box spring! She was later identified as one of the many prostitutes that haunt ‘the strip’.
These are just some of the instances that can be explained but what about those that can’t? For example, those times when you could swear you heard somebody you live with come home, close the front door, dump their keys on the side, but never materialise. So, you check the house only to discover you’re alone. Or my personal favourite, so much so that it happens to a character in one of my books, she hears her boyfriend come home and she calls out to him but there’s no reply. Perplexed, she goes through the house, calling his name but nothing. Then the phone rings, she picks it up. “Hello baby, it’s me,” he says, and that’s when she realises, to her terror; somebody else is in the house with her, and it isn’t her boyfriend.
If you’ve experienced something like this, why not share it with everybody? It is the witching season after all.
In the meantime, “don’t have nightmares”.
Monster-in-Law? How’s your relationship with your boyfriend/husband’s mum?
This week I received an email from BESTDATINGSITES.ORG who thought I might be interested in sharing one of the articles from their blog.
And, since I’m often posting articles about relationships on a Different Angle, I thought this fitted in nicely.
So, how’s your relationship with your boyfriend/husband’s mother? Are you the best of pals or the best enemies? Is she respectful of you, your time with him, and the decisions that you make together or are you both locked in a unpalatable power struggle?
There are many reasons why mothers have a hard time letting go of their boys. Some of these are listed below.
- Worried. Many mums are worried about their sons getting hurt, and they want to protect them. This instinct can kick in if they see a girl or woman that they do not think is right for their son, and it can cause a multitude of problems.
- Ulterior Motives. If the boy comes from a wealthy family, the mum may be afraid that any girl that is interested in him is only interested in the family money. If the mother experienced the same problem, she may be even more prone to dissuade the relationships.
- Only Child. With only having one child, a mother has more time and energy to focus on just him. This can make her more possessive of him and his time.
- Competition. She may feel as she has to compete with other women to get her son’s attention. After all, she spent all that time being the only woman in his life.
- Out Ranked. She may be worried about being outranked by a girlfriend or wife. She probably feels that she is the only one who can take care of him and that no one else can do it better.
- Control Freak. Some women feel as though they need to be in control at all times. She may feel she has to make all decisions, and if one is made without her then it is automatically wrong.
- Loneliness. If the mother is not married, and only has her son left with her at home, she may not like anyone interested in him for fear that she will be left alone.
- Stuck Up. This one usually goes along with being wealthy, but doesn’t necessarily have to. Unfortunately, there are still people out there who believe in a class system. She may feel that their family is better than any others and will not like anyone her son brings home.
- Raised That Way. They may have grown up hearing from their fathers that no one was good enough for their little girl, so they are passing that onto the next generation.
- Bad Decisions. She may feel as though her son does not make good decisions, period. If she doesn’t trust his decisions in general, she will likely not trust him to make good decisions in women either; therefore, she will not like anyone he brings home.
Mamma’s boys can be hard to date, as they tend to have mothers who feel like no one is good enough for their child. The waters can be difficult to navigate, and sometimes even torturous. Mother may know best, but when it comes to the affairs of the heart; she is better off letting her son make his own decisions, and even if that means making his own mistakes.
Source: http://www.bestdatingsites.org/blog/2011/10-reasons-no-girl-is-good-enough-for-mammas-boy
My best friend, Judas, the train and the automobiles
Many of you will have been following my posts from the past year about my love affair with
the Range Rover Evoque and my involvement in some of the original research that helped shape the car, its features, it’s marketing material and day experiences.
Some of the eagle eyed, non gold fish syndromed among you (such as my dear friend, Renee Owens) will have remembered that yesterday, was to be the culmination of years of waiting and months of talking, the moment when this writer would finally climb behind the wheel of a FINAL production model of the Range Rover Evoque and be ordered (okay, asked) to put the car through its paces by traversing perilous ravines (alright, man made water baths), negotiating mountainous passes (yes, metal frame car ramps) and confront carnivorous beasts (otherwise known as Southampton traffic). Yes, you may scoff but most of you won’t know what a zoo that place becomes when the Boat Show is on.
Well, nor do I for that matter because I may have started my day with hope and a good smidgen of trepidation that things were not going to go to plan and, well, they didn’t; my best friend decided to ditch me, our day, our Platinum VIP tickets and my dreams, two years or so in the making, for reasons he hasn’t yet managed to explain, nor do I think I’ll ever manage to comprehend.
Now, some of you who know me will not be surprised to learn that I did have a backup plan, should the friend factor fail me, it was to catch a train to the Southampton Boat Show. However, for this to work, I’d need to know about Judas’ intentions sooner rather than later to allow ample time for the journey. Sadly, he twisted the knife by failing to answer my text messages in a timely manner which meant that I only made it to the train station in time to buy my car parking ticket and watch the 6:30 trundle in and out of the station as I helplessly and breathlessly looked on.
Cue that dreadful realisation moment that all of my efforts had been for nothing. I had actually missed the train and my chance. So, whilst holding a sponge to my leaky eyes, I made my way back to my car where, I’m not ashamed to say, the heavens truly opened. Minutes later, after recovering from the additional realisation that I’d wasted a King’s ransom £2.50 on a parking ticket I was never going to use, I cranked up the tunes, hit the open road and, in that metaphoric sense, cleared the cobwebs from my mind.
Quite conveniently, that super talented dude, otherwise known as Darren Hayes, just happens to have two new tracks out from his forthcoming Album, Secret Codes and Battleships. The track, Black Out the Sun, did nicely. You can watch the video here. Darren, not unlike many artists who have scored the soundtrack to my life over the years, did the trick and, before long, I was fighting fit once more (it’s what I call Music Therapy in Coming up For Air) and, despite the fact that it was still the crack of dawn for many, I started dialling numbers on my mobile phone.
A couple of hours later, I had my test drives lined up (well, I couldn’t let the day go to waste now, could I?) Granted, that I wasn’t on my own, nor was I battling man made obstacles or gushing torrents but, hey, it was something. I had a veritable banquet of Evoques to choose from, as you can see from the pictures, and, I have to say, they drove as beautifully as they look.
What perhaps didn’t drive as well was the price tag. My helpful representative told me that they simply couldn’t build the cars fast enough and that, if I placed an order today, I would most likely be looking at delivery in March 2012. That was after my comment that I believed the Evoque to be a beautiful car but somewhat overpriced. He retorted with, “I don’t necessarily agree. A car is worth what people are willing to pay for it.” And I guess he had a point but at a finished price tag of £45,000 + for my fairly well specced car with some omitted options, you can make up your own mind whether or not this was somewhat pricey when you consider that it is smaller than my VW Touareg and not that much bigger than a VW Golf Plus, and lacks some of the technological features of its elder siblings.
Of course, this all means that the jury is still out on whether or not I’ll actually be placing an order for one of these beauties. The sad reality is that there isn’t much else out there that tickles my fancy and the Range Rover Evoque has, after all, been the object of my desire for the past 3 years…. who knows… watch this space (and yes I know I’ve been saying that for a while now).
The same uncertainty overhangs the fate of my seven year friendship with my best friend who has confirmed eagerness to hold talks next week. Alas, today marked an oppressively sad time for me (and no, not just because I didn’t get to use my platinum VIP tickets) but because, despite knowing how important this day was for me, my best friend, chose to let me down without, presently, a plausible explanation. And, to coin a phrase, ‘we don’t often remember what people say but how they make us feel.’
I’m hoping Range Rover do not feel the same since they asked me to confirm my attendance at today’s event no less than THREE times, stopping short of making me promise to let them know if I wasn’t going attend so that they could give my tickets to others on the ‘waiting list’ yet, each time, I confirmed that ‘we’ would be attending.
Just goes to show that nothing in life is certain, you just have to make the most of a bad situation. Whilst I believed that before, today is probably the first time that I appreciated the meaning.
Blog post about controversial relationship manuscript sees web traffic soar!
“If you’ve loved, been loved, have hurt or been hurt , lost or thrown away somebody special, then this book is not only for you but it is about you.”
Wow, my Sunday blog posts have always proved popular with readers (must be all that spare time) but none as much as yesterday’s article about my soon to be revived manuscript about relationships, COMING UP FOR AIR. You can read the original post by clicking here.
Visits to www.adifferentangle.co.uk yesterday topped 14,000, that’s an impressive increase of 1,000+ on the back of the post about the controversial manuscript that’s due to get a dust off next year and redrafted for before being considered for publication.
Some of you have emailed me directly offering your stories as additional material for next year’s redraft. Thanks very much, I’ll be sure to keep some of these in mind if more material is required but, as you’ll read, many relationships follow the same format/formula and are not so dissimilar to each other. The only thing that’s different are the people involved and, obviously, what they choose to do about it.
Which means that I’m really only looking for truly extraordinary subjects now if I’m to make any additions. Especially since most of the chapters have already been mapped out. Of course, that could change for the truly unusual.
Stay tuned for potential extracts next year!
In the meantime, thanks very much for visiting adifferentangle.co.uk and for interacting with posts to Facebook. Please be sure to share the articles and posts with your friends!
Controversial relationship manuscript to get a ‘dusting’
“The demons are those shadowy thoughts that lurk in the deep recesses of our minds. You know, the painful ones that loiter on the periphery of our consciousness just waiting for a song, place, smell or taste to order them to the fore and remind us just how much we miss someone.” Extract from COMING UP FOR AIR.
So, it’s the early hours of the morning and by early I mean 04,00 and, in the immortal words of Faithless, ‘I can’t get no sleep’.
It’s naturally frustrating because, after a very busy week of early starts, the weekend generally tends to be the time to sleep in yet, for some obscure reason, my body has decided that to get a natural night’s sleep at weekends would be a total waste of perfectly productive and useful time. The nett result is that I have a newfound respect for all fellow insomniacs out there!
The cause of my new-found insomnia is unknown but I’m attributing it to a series of big projects that I’m involved with at the moment; one of them being Casa Bella’s latest event; Halloween which is taking place on October 29th. Things are not exactly going to plan at the moment as I’m having a particularly tough time sourcing the costumes and props that I’d like since these only appear to be available from the USA! What’s that all about? Okay, so maybe our cousins across the pond are more into the whole Halloween thing but don’t people know I have an experience to develop and I can’t do that with the everyday chintz that most UK retailers believe is the only acceptable way of celebrated ‘the dark side’ of the year.
Meanwhile, I’m being continuously asked about new writing projects and, of course, my immediate response is “there’s too much else going on right now” but then I have to ask myself how much of that is ‘writer procrastination’? After all, writers write, don’t they? Even at 04:00 in the morning. So, am I procrastinating? Generally speaking, I’d have to say no as there really are some very important developments happening in my life right now and there truly are not enough hours in the day, hence my body’s compulsion to expel me, most prematurely, from the arms of Morpheus. Mercifully, I’m expecting a lot of this to reach a conclusion by the end of the year.
That said, the other night I was enjoying some well deserved downtime with the somewhat
traditional practice of settling on the sofa with good friends, a snugly throw, hot tea and a good selection of luxury biscuits, when we ended up discussing an old writing project of mine, called COMING UP FOR AIR; a non fictional novel, in some places autobiographical, about relationships. The concept was inspired by the somewhat dramatic collapse of my own six year relationship and reads just like most novels but with a difference; each story is 100% true. The scene setting is based on the narrative as relayed by the real life protagonists. Between chapters, it also features my own assessment of each case but invites you to make up your own mind. Remember, ‘there’s always two sides to every story’ and, where I can, I try to include both, which may explain why this project has gathered the proverbial dust for so many years. The manuscript features just a few of hundreds real life stories, including my own which is not without its own controversy. Of course, as the author, I could exact a few edits here and there but then it wouldn’t be true to the book’s premise or its purpose; which is to highlight why, as humans, we can be so loving yet hurtful to one another.
The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful in the first draft of Coming Up for Air was compiled over two years, one of these spent researching (interviewing) literally hundreds of people both in the USA and the UK about their personal relationships. I heard all sorts and it has given me a unique insight into the human factor. The process itself turned out to be an incredible adventure featuring a series of planes, trains, automobiles, and SUVs and led to a collaboration with the Pentagon and, by association, members of the United States Air Force and United States Marine Corps. Many interviews took place right here in the UK at RAF Mildenhall and Lakenheath where I was fortunate enough to receive exclusive clearance to the bases and access to US Air Force personnel at the height of the post 9/11 security alerts. Interestingly, the research process led me to the very place where my own relationship began and and where it met its demise; the depths of North Carolina. It was an effective cathartic exercise but not necessarily one I’d recommend.
So, on the charge of procrastination, in this case only, I plead guilty; the first draft of this manuscript has been put on hold more times than most of its protagonists deserve. In hindsight, I realise that this is due to its somewhat ‘explosive’ content; there is much in this manuscript that some would much rather not share with the rest of the world, and I guess this has always troubled me.
However, the recent trip down memory lane has led me to ‘dust off’ (figuratively speaking)the manuscript that I’d started nearly a decade ago to discover that it’s actually over 200 pages long and features some of the most dramatic, heartfelt, inspiring and compelling stories you”ll ever read and, most interestingly, they’re all true, proving that, regardless of our distinctive differences, we’re all, ultimately, just human. (well most anyway).
I had forgotten just how close to completion this particular manuscript was and this author cannot ignore that nor the collaboration of so many who gave willingly of their time and candidly shared the most intimate details about their lives with the view to helping others. Okay, so some did use the meetings as a mini counselling session but I believe it was a small price to pay for such compelling insight that taught me so much about the complexities of human interactions, how we can on the first day be the nucleus of somebody’s life but on the next be marked for outright deletion. Something I learned first hand with my own introspection.
I truly believe that, no matter how regretful, sad or traumatic an experience; everything happens for a reason. That’s why I’ve decided that my realistic resolution for the new year will be to revisit this project and finish it once and for all. Because, in the words of an esteemed US Marine Colonel, “if this book can help just one person then it is well worth our time and dedication”. If you’ve loved, been loved, have hurt or been hurt , lost or thrown away somebody special, then this book is not only for you but it is about you.
Watch this blog for updates and maybe even some tasty excerpts in 2012 but be warned, one of the primary objectives of this manuscript was to record true life, there’s nothing added, nothing taken away which means that whilst it may prove flattering for some, it may not shine as beautifully on others but then again, nobody’s perfect, are they?
And the winner of a FREE photo session is……….
So, here it is, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…
Last month I declared war on ‘rip off photographers’ (see the original post here) when a friend of mine brought to my attention just how much she
was being charged for her daughter’s wedding pictures, and I set up a web page on Facebook called A DIFFERENT ANGLE PHOTOGRAPHY, I then invited you to become a fan of the page and, to celebrate the launch, I decided to give away a free photo session to one of the page’s fans worth an approximate £700! ( I must be feeling very generous because I’ve been approached about donating a similar experience to charity).
Well, this weekend, I took those names and spun them through a washing machine (okay, not literally) and am really excited to be able to reveal that the winner is MATT AINSLIE!
…who just happens to be a friend of mine (yes, I know what you’re thinking and I know what he’s probably thinking) but he did ultimately enter the competition and his did by randomness get selected, that’s fair isn’t it? You don’t think I fixed it do you?
Of course you do!
So, what other option did I have but to conduct a second draw….. YES, you read correctly, I couldn’t possibly have you avid readers believing that I wasn’t fair. So, there’s not one but TWO lucky winners of the FREE photo session…. and that second person is (DRUM ROLL)….
KYLEE ASHWELL
Well done, Kylee!
Now, there are few formalities that we’ll need to get out of the way, you know, the small print and all. So if the lucky winners could please send an email mailbox@tonymarturano.com (within the next 30 days), we’ll get the ball rolling by exchanging the small print and eventually arranging a mutually convenient date for the shoot which you’ll be pleased to learn will take place right here, at my own Casa Bella personal studio.
As per all my photo sessions, I recommend that we meet at Casa Bella well in advance of the shoot to discuss exactly what kind of shoot we’re going to do, and what exactly will happen on the day.
Well done to the winners and thanks to everybody else who participated but, as you know, there can only be one winner, (or in this case two!) and who said I wasn’t a generous person!
Remember, a DIFFERENT ANGLE PHOTOGRAPHY is facing up to ‘rip off’ photographers so if you have any event or would simply like some pictures of you and or yours then get in touch. Also, be sure to recommend our page (if you’re already a fan) or to LIKE out page on Facebook (button at the top right hand corner) as there’s a distinct possibility that we’ll be holding a similiar competition again and, who knows, next time, ‘it could be you’!
Facebook ‘friends’; isn’t it time for a good culling?
“… if your so called Facebook friends are not showing an interest in, commenting on or contributing to the events that take place in your life, doesn’t that just make them a new breed of voyeur?”
I’ve carried out a rudimentary online poll asking Facebook users what percentage of their ‘friends’, on average, they believe interact on a daily basis with their posts to Facebook. Whilst the results are no surprise they remain nonetheless incredible.
It’s the latest must have status symbol, the ultimate kudos, a badge of pride. So, go on, tell, how many have you notched up, Facebook ‘friends’ that is?
The definition of ‘Friend’ is a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection, and loyalty; an intimate. The definition of ‘Acquaintance’ is knowledge of a person acquired by a relationship less intimate than friendship
So, why don’t you take a few minutes now to scroll through your prized possession, no not your Filofax, ‘that’s so yesterday, darling’, no, not even your little black book but your Facebook friend list, and count just how many of those so called names you’d categorise as the former (friend) and how many you’d categorise as the latter (Acquaintance). Go on, have a quick peak, don’t be afraid…
Now, be honest with yourself, take a gander through the ones you’ve categorised as ‘friends’ and ask yourself the following questions and then apply YES or NO answers.
- “Would I feel comfortable calling this person in the dead of night and asking them to drive 50 miles to pick me up because I was stranded?”
- “Do I know this person well enough and would I feel comfortable asking them for a loan until next pay day?”
- “Would this person nurse me through sickness and would they be the shoulder I’d cry on?”
- “How many of these people regularly (at least once a fortnight) interact with what’s happening in my life, be that on Facebook, email, instant messenger, telephone, fax or snail mail?”
Done that?
Okay, so how many were honest NO and how many YES?
And how many received a YES because they’ve already experienced one or more of the above scenarios with you? Any? If so, total these with pride as they are the average sum of your real friends.
Of course, there are mitigating logistical circumstances that might sway the above result (e.g. these friends live thousands of miles away) but don’t be tempted to romanticise simply because, subconsciously, you believe it highly unlikely that the above questions would never be posed to or tested on these people. E.g. I’m doing that very thing now. I have friends in the USA and I’m asking myself the above questions. Thankfully, I’m relieved to report that they do regularly interact with what’s happening in my life AND I can answer YES to a few of the above scenarios. Phew… I can rest that axe (otherwise known as the Unfriend button)
Because you’ve heard about that, right? The dreaded UNFRIEND button believed to be the modern day guillotine equivalent of the school ground ‘I don’t want to be friends with you anymore’. And nobody wants to be unfriended. Oh, the stigma of it. It doesn’t bear thinking about. Does it?
The Daily Telegraph states that ‘according to a recent poll’, the average person has approximately 150 ‘trophy friends’ (or acquaintances) on Facebook with only 5 ‘true’ friends; that is people with whom they interact on daily basis in the real world. It’s believed that this is because ‘real’ friendships require additional investment of time, emotion and, sometimes, even money. Many with real friends will recognise that when you are actually ‘face to face’, there are many emotional and facial cues, such as a smile, a look and even physical contact (such as a hug or a reassuring touch of the arm or pat on the back). These things aren’t always easy to fake in the real world but they are in the virtual world where it’s all too easy to tell somebody how much you love them without ever having the duty to substantiate it in any way. 
The importance of having lots of ‘friends’ is something that we learn from a very early age; you’re either popular during your most impressionable years or pretty much scarred for life, at least that’s what most behavioural therapists would have us believe, one way or another. Big is ultimately better (so I’ve heard), and this inevitably applies to one’s social circle.
Facebook’s actual ‘friend’ limit is 5,000. After this users receive a message saying ‘this person has is unable to add any friends as they’ve exceeded their friend limit’ or words to that effect. I know this how? Well, I’ve exceeded my friend limit of course; I’m very popular you know! Okay, maybe not. Nonetheless, just like a shiny new credit card, with a limit of 5,000, it’s time to get adding, 50, 100, 1000 ‘friends’, the more the better, right? Well, actually, no.
According to studies conducted by professor Sundar of the Media Effects Research Laboratory, whilst people perceive somebody with a high percentage of ‘friends’ to be popular, attractive, self-assured, those with more than 800 friends are perceived as insecure.
Still, 800 ‘friends’, can you imagine 800 potential messages, 800 potential phone calls, 800 Facebook updates. It’d be impossible to keep up, wouldn’t it? Yes, it would and that’s even if you didn’t have a life! Academics tend to agree and not because of sheer logistics but because our brains simply cannot cope with so many ‘acquaintances’. Yes, that’s right, research reveals that the size of your ‘social circle’ does not necessarily reflect your personality/popularity nor your personal hygiene but is merely a limitation of your neocortex.
Yes, there’s actually a scientific reason as to why, as mammals, we’re unable to service multiple ‘meaningful’ relationships, it’s known as ‘Dunbar’s Number’ (after anthropologist Robin Dunbar) – that is the cognitive limit to the number of people with whom we can socially interact. It’s believed that this limit (or capacity) is imposed by the neocortex (yes, that word again, basically, part of the brain). The magic number Dunbar’s research revealed is 148 (rounded up to 150) but before you start thinking that’s quite a few, the figure is actually based on the number of people you can actually be ‘aware’ of. E.g. relatives you know of, past and present lovers, friends, work colleagues, etc. It would be impossible for you to ‘socially service’ (meet, correspond with, love, hate) all of these people regularly/daily hence why we naturally select only a special few; our ‘social circle’.
Indeed, the level of ‘intimacy’ is measured by that ubiquitous ‘social circle’ that starts with the first five with whom we enjoy a relationship of trust, close intimacy, reciprocity and radiates out to the whole 100-150 people ranging from people you’d like to see once a week to those you’d be happy seeing just once a year. Curiously, regardless of which ring of your circle these people might sit, you’ll still refer to them as friends (at least on Facebook anyway) but the reality is far different. As per the above exercise, when push comes to shove, how many of these acquaintances did you apply YES to and thus class as friends? There’s a lot to be said for that old adage, “a friend will help you move… a really good friend will help you move a body”.
I’m definitely a fan of quality and not quantity. My personal preference is to live life where everything I do, the relationships I have are rewarding, meaningful and fulfilling. I literally do not have the time or the inclination for small talk or vacuous banter with as many people as possible.
A team at Reading University (yes, right here in good ole’ England) are actually conducting research in the Social Network phenomenon and the result so far show that sites such as Facebook and MySpace are actually contributing to the ‘weak ties’ that are people are forging around the globe, and that this could well be the next stage of our social evolution. Scary huh? What this actually means is that old movie favourite; “I’m surrounded by people yet I feel so alone” has never rung truer.
It’s one thing to add people as ‘friends’ to your social network but it’s another to actually express a regular interest in their life events, to nurture, love, support and, on some occasions, put your own life in danger to save theirs.
But is this, ultimately, down to terminology? Linked in has ‘connections’, Twitter has ‘followers’ but Facebook opted for ‘friends’ which implies that these ‘acquaintances’ mean more than they really do.
On the other hand, it has to be said that some people don’t necessarily see Facebook as a ‘close friend’/ family tool, they add people whom they believe will enrich their ‘stream’ with interesting content, these same people may well, over time, become ‘closer’ to them. This is certainly a fashionable way of making new ‘friends’ but the fact remains that unless one is able to ‘socially service’ this contact on a regular basis then they remain not friends but acquaintances.
Whilst Facebook or indeed any other SNS (Social Network Site) will never replace the unique experience of meeting face to face and the reassurance of a physical hug, it is the nearest thing. Our friends have the unique opportunity of letting us know that they may not be in our presence all the time or even regularly but that they care about us and are thinking of us.
Regulars of this blog will know that I joined Facebook somewhat reluctantly (see Facebook police) but I’ve since learned that there is more to the Social Network that meets the eye. Granted, those practices that repelled me from joining sooner still go on today, e.g. the mindless dimwits who continue to believe that the rest of the world may be remotely interested in the tedious status update of “I’m bored” or perhaps they might be riveted with that old favourite post of “I fancy some chocolate”, followed shortly by the sequel, “I just ate some chocolate and it was yummy”. However, I’ve come to learn that those distances that seemed interminable are easily bridged by the spontaneous act of posting a photograph of a day out with the family that, hours later, is viewed and appreciated by friends and distant relatives thousands of miles away or the heart-warming moment when you share news of a momentous event and it’s ‘liked’ by a friend you’d wished had been there to experience it with you but was unable. The things that turn our world; good, bad, happy or sad, shared with the people that truly matter and, most importantly, we know care about what goes on in our life; our family and our intimate friends, those unique, rare and precious organic beings that, not unlike rare flowers, need regular care and attention, love and affection and in return give us the oxygen to go about living our time on this earth perhaps not in perpetual bliss but in warm glow of the knowledge that we’re not alone and that, no matter the distance, they’ll always be somebody there when needed the most.
Alas, as with most fairy tales, there’s always a villain. In this case, the new evolution of cyber apathy that is not restricted to your so called acquaintances but it also applies to family members. That’s right, hard to believe but true. It appears that the ‘trigger’ for cyber-social interactivity is not always born from the need to engage with those nearest and dearest but that this has been superseded by the actual content of the interaction which, translated into English, actually means that it’s the subject and not the subject matter that generally engages our online interactivity. This is coupled with a good dose of that old fashioned ‘tit for tat’. E.g. you may have recently published photographs of a recent event of which you are most proud but the majority of your friends (and indeed family) may not have taken the time to ‘comment’ or ‘like’ (interact) in any way thereby acknowledging your accomplishment and, by association, expressing an interest. This can be hurtful. The real world equivalent would be for you to tell a friend or family member about something of importance and for them not to acknowledge this but to change subject instead. Of course, if this happened on a regular basis, it’s going to leave you feeling somewhat miffed. In some scenarios, it also sows the seeds of cyber ‘tit for tat’; you didn’t comment on ‘my stuff’, I’m not going to comment on yours. The result is the cyber equivalent of that ghost town with the main thoroughfare being the communication channels.
Which begs the question, if your so called Facebook friends are not showing an interest in, commenting on or contributing to the events that take place in your life, doesn’t that just make them a new breed of voyeur?
The ‘watchers’ are the people who like to know what’s going on in our lives by monitoring our news streams but never say a word, comment or ‘LIKE’. What do these people get from this practice? A practice that is clearly frowned upon by Facebook executives who have implemented a policy of banning organisations from posing as individuals as it would enable employees from that organisation to monitor the personal details of an individual’s life.. Watched, not unlike Stalkers, sit in the shadows watching everything yet contributing nothing which begs the questions, why do we give these vultures the best seat in the theatre of our lives? Is it simply to keep the friend number up? Or is it that eternal belief that these individuals may actually be interested in you and your wellbeing?
In the real world, real friends, real people will ‘check in’ on you from time to time, it’s as simple as that. If they don’t, would you consider them a friend?
Let the culling begin!
The ‘defriend’ button must be the cyber equivalent of an ancient marauder, ploughing through your friend list, lopping the heads of smiley photos and trampling over that initial swell of pride you felt when your status read that you’d become friends with a person and several others. Use it and find out just how many people are/were really interested in you and your life. 
Visit your ‘friend’ list and ‘unfriend’ all of those from whom you haven’t heard anything for a very long time, indeed those from whom you have not heard a thing since they opted to become a friend of yours. Then sit back and see how many of those people actually resend you a friend request. Indeed, sit and see how many of those will actually notice you’re no longer ‘connected’ to them. Don’t be disheartened but the sad reality will be that only a very low percentage, if any, actually will notice and that’s not necessarily a reflection of you, your personality but simply the cyber eclectic disorder that many of us are contracting. Be it articles from stumbleupon to momentous quotes that we might one day want to refer to.
And lastly, yesterday, I asked over 1,600 people if they’d be kind enough to contribute to a poll I was conducting about Facebook ‘friends’ and their interaction with your posts. Just 30 of you replied. 60% stated that less than 5% of their total Facebook friend list regularly interacted with their posts.
So, what are you going to do? Are you going to keep the watchers in your life or are you going to visit your friend list and that ever so powerful ‘unfriend’ button?
The choice, as always, is yours.
